Convinced
that a place with a pretty name and pretty girls couldn't be all bad, I declared
my search victorious and reported my choice of “The S.S. Treasure Chest” to
Mrs. Dave. She was not impressed with the
science of my method.
“Are they pirates?” she asked, “Or just
bimbos.”
“I’m
sure they’re simply working girls,” I said.
”It’s so nice to do business with young professionals who are so healthy
looking.”
My
wife found an institution for her accounts that was more to her liking. She mentioned something about being
realistic, but such comments have always gone way over my head.
It
turned out my choice was probably not the best.
But having made my decision, I continued to struggle on, dealing with
constant screw-ups. Each was more
bizarre than the preceding, but each afforded me the opportunity to work with customer
service reps like Layla Sue.
Layla
Sue is just the cutest little thing. She
has the finest long blonde hair and the sweetest southern drawl. But she lacks the ability to add a column of
figures twice and come up with the same total.
And I’ll admit it’s rather disconcerting to hear someone in a bank
always saying “Close enough.”
On
the plus side, Layla Sue wears dresses that would embarrass Lady Gaga, eye
makeup she probably buys by the pound and a perfume so strongly provocative it’s
been known to set off smoke detectors.
Of
all her outfits, the most intriguing is a sheer blouse worn over a dainty and
girlish bra with a thin strap across her back featuring an embroidered message. It took me the longest
time and many discreet glances to decipher the phrase, which I am too
embarrassed to ask about. I don’t know
where anyone would ever find a bra that says, “I’ve Been To Reno.”
I
like working with young women to help improve their professional skills, even
if it’s only basic arithmetic. And doing
business with someone as interesting as Layla Sue is not a hardship. But I have no idea if my checking account
balance is $3,000 or three cents. My last monthly statement said I
wired in 400,000 Euros from a bank in Bogota and still wound up with a
negative balance. Layla Sue says to not sweat the details. When I add it all up … twice … there's no
way I can be described as anyone but a happy, satisfied customer. That’s what I told the FBI when they came to
visit yesterday.
copyright 2015 by David Griffin
The Windswept
Press
Murrells Inlet, South Carolina
www.windsweptpress.com
