by Frank Beresheim
I thought that was then and this is now. I started drinking heavier,
thinking about our break up, and that I was the cause of our split. I
tried to order a drink and the bartender said no, and I said why. He
looked at me and said “why don’t you ask you friend”. Apparently me
friend Joey was behind my telling him no. I was very angry, and almost
hit Joey. I stormed out of there, out on the street. The cool air
hit me, and I could feel my blood pressure rising. I knew there was
another bar a couple of blocks away, and my friend Joey followed
me. I tried to hail a taxi, but it was a police car, and then it
was good Joey was there, he told them I had a mental disorder and I had to wave
at people in blue cars. Lucky for me they bought it. Joey said
let’s take my car and we can hit that oyster bar on Flat St. and Grove. I
said you mean Vincent’s Oyster house, and he said yeah. We got in his
car, an old car with primitive features and went to bar.
The bar had
a huge oyster as a doorway and was just as dark as the other place. I
went up and order my usual Gin and Tonic, and loved that bitter taste.
Joey said why don’t we get a table, and order some oysters. I said
ok. I started thinking about Kathy again, and how many times I came here
with her when I was polluted. I just couldn’t stay there, and started
walking out to the car. Joey came out, and said what's up man. I
said I just didn’t like the vibe there. Joey said come on man you
have been in there hundreds of times. I said I know, but it ain’t working
tonight. We got back in his car, and I felt something in my pocket, it
was an M80, I lit it threw it in the back, to a big bang. Joey said what
did you do man? I told him and he told me to get out of his car. He
also said the he was tired of my shit and not to call him anymore. So I
was out on the streets again.
I was hungry, and saw the light on in the Baker’s window. I went
over, but the door was locked. So I banged on the window. He said
come back at Six, I am making the donuts now. I said please and he said
six, come back at six. So I walked away, looking for another place to
go. I just didn’t want to be alone, feeling like this with Kathy on my
mind. I walked down the street to the Fifty Grand Club, and could hear
the music down the street. I went down the street to go to
the other club.
I went in and my friend’s band was playing, The Strange Ones. I used to
be in the band, but I didn’t like playing live as much as they did, so I
left. As soon as I sat down, the band took a brake and they came down to
see me. IT was good seeing my friends, we all had cool knick names, I was
Bush dog, the drummer was Molasses, because he took too long in the bathroom,
Kow was the keyboard player, his name was Cal, the bass player was called the
Rock because his lines were as powerful as rocks falling, the lead guitarist
was Slick, because everything about him was slick. I know you wanted to
know why I was called Bush dog, it is because I had a Large Poodle, with the
same black hair as me. My friends saw me walking with my dog Ace, someone
yelled look a bush dog, and the name stuck. My friends convinced me to
play, and they had an extra guitar. I went up to the stage and almost
fell because I was pretty toasted, I strapped on the guitar, tuned it up,
and I was going to rock. I did pretty well with the first two songs, but
on the third song I was a line behind, and the forth song, I was noticeably out
of key. I was very embarrassed and before the 5th song I said
I am bailing, put the guitar in the stand, they didn’t seem to mind, actually
and appeared relieved. I went out to the parking lot, and threw up on
this guy’s white car, I bet he will be happy when he sees that.
I met my friend Tom’s girlfriend in the parking lot, and she was crying.
They apparently had a big fight over his wanting to see other people and still
wanting a relationship. I held her as she was crying, and felt so strong
to be there for her even though I was drunk. She began telling me that
she had suspected that he was cheating on her, because he would say he be at
Charlie’s bar, but wasn’t there. She said she went to his house and he
wasn’t home. She said she called his cell, and it went straight to mail,
which meant he shut his phone off. She said when she asked him he
stated he met some friends, and that he shut phone off earlier in the day at
the office, followed by ”what’s a girl to think”. She started saying I
will show him what it means to be cheated on, and brought me to her car.
The next thing I knew she was taking her clothes off, and I was the first guy
she cheated on Tom with. Afterwards we just lying together on her back
seat, and she burst out crying, saying I am glad it was with you, but I still
don’t feel right. I told her I had to go out to take a leak, put my
clothes on, and went to the bushes at the end of the parking lot. I heard
some noise behind me, and I saw her driving away. I was back on foot
again.
Around this time I was feeling pretty thirsty, and I found an all night Bodega,
went to back where the beer was, and got me a six. I found my car, my
beautiful car, my Caddy, and it felt like I found my way home. I quickly
drank up the six and was starting feel drowsy, but I started the car up
anyway. I was driving near my house nodded off, and woke to the rattling
of my car hitting other cars on the street, and when I tried to steer away, I
drove right into a telephone pole. The next thing I knew was that the
police were issuing me a wad of tickets and was put in a squad car. They
read me the Miranda warning, “ You have the right to”, and all the words seem
to blur followed by “ With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak
to me?”. I quickly said no. They then asked if I would do a breathalyzer,
which I also said no to. They read off my charges.
It was just like TV, hearing all this, but it was happening to me. They
said they would take me to lock up and when I got to the precinct.
I took a deep breath, I opened my eyes looked all around my room,
realizing it was a dream. Before I could get my first a cigarette
lit, the phone rang and I heard a familiar voice, it was Kathy. She said
do you miss me? I said “not a moment goes by without me thinking of
you.” She said I miss you too. She said “Baby if you want to be
with me you have to take care of yourself”, and I said “what do you mean”, She
said “You need to clean up” I said you mean go to detox?” and she said
“yeah, my friend told me about this place she went to and it helped her.”
For a moment I fought it, and thought about it, remembering my dream, and I
said yes. She said I’ll be over to get you, and take you there. I
told her “It finally feels like I am doing something right for a change.”
When I saw Kathy, our eyes locked, she was like a dream come true.
She told me, it wasn’t a friend that went through the programs but it was she
who went though the program herself. I began thinking she didn’t really
drink, and if she was an alcoholic, what was I? I can’t be an alcoholic,
but I would do anything to have her by my side. We got to the hospital,
she saw me through the paperwork, and I was starting to shake. When they
took me to detox, and they closed the door it was like when I was a child on
the first day of school, and everything I loved was on the other side of the
door. I still think of the dream, my love for Kathy, and that there is a
reason for everything. I am happily married to Kathy 17 years, and 18
years sober.
copyright 2013, Frank Beresheim
