We bought a new gas grill in 2011
when we moved south and dealt with its flame baffle for over a year.
Because the baffle prevented the
flames from searing the food, meat cooked up just like indoors in our oven. This incensed Mrs. Dave, marking the first
time I'd ever seen her so upset with a government policy regarding the
environment.
After a year of un-blackened meat,
she brazenly ripped the baffle out of the stove one night as she prepared to
cook a steak.
"I threw it in the
pond," she said.
"Did anyone from another back
yard see you do that?" I asked.
"Who cares?" she said.
"Well, hon, I'm sure this is
a breach of a federal statute."
"Who cares?" she
repeated.
"Well, hon, it could be a
felony to remove a government sanctioned safety device, surely at least a
misdemeanor."
"A safety device, huh?"
she said.
"Yes, the baffle prevents the
burner flames from igniting the steak," I said.
"I like my steak
ignited," she said.
"But that's dangerous. It
could start a fire and burn the house down."
"I'm not dumb enough to use
the cooker so close to the house. That's why the cooker has wheels on it,"
she said.
"Not only is there a fire
hazard," I said, "but burning the meat’s fat can produce
carcinogens."
"That must be what tastes so good when the meat gets flamed."
she said.
"I think you should give more
thought to what you're doing here," I said. "The breaking of the
penal code, the sullying of your debt to society by refusing to fall in line
and do what everyone else should be doing, even if they're not doing it."
"Are you serious?" she
asked.
"I’m always serious,” I said,
“… on weekdays. What day is this?”
“Monday,” she said.
“Do I sound convincing?"
"Not really."
"I'll take mine medium
rare," I said. “Burn the hell out of it.”
copyright 2015, David Griffin
The Windswept Press
Murrells Inlet, South
Carolina
www.windsweptpress.com
