“We don’t usually share knowledge of a person’s
illness with another employee,” the Doctor said, “but I know you’re close to
the young man.”
He got up from behind the desk and came around on my
side, “I have another reason.”
Dr. Penslowe deposited his great bulk in the chair
next to mine, about two feet away.
“Of course, I’ve shared this with his parents,” he
said. “His father works here, as you
know. I warned them to make sure someone
is with him at all times.”
“Why?” I asked.
”Mary,” he said, “this is a terrible disease and it
is not unknown for the person to become so depressed with their symptoms that
they … do harm to themselves.”
I let that sink in, then said, “Do you mean he might
want to kill himself?”
“Yes, that’s what I mean,” he said.
“Oh, no, Doctor.
He wouldn’t. Jimmy wouldn’t do
that.”
“We hope not Mary, but I can tell you it’s been
known to happen.”
“Oh, no. No ....”
Dr. Penslowe stared at me and I felt stupid. How could I have kept from admitting to
myself that Jimmy really could take his own life. Especially after the time Jimmy tried to jump
off the NorthGeneseeStreetBridge and the night he tried to steer us off the Verona bridge On
those occasions he had said he was joking, but he had not been convincing, not
even to me, and I believed everything he said. But somehow an hour later I was
willing to believe ... to hope ... that everything would be just swell. Jimmy would be better and we’d be married,
have a family ...
“Mr. and Mrs. Bean are not with him, of course, when
he is out with you,” said Dr. Penslowe.
“You need to help convince him there’s hope, that someone might invent a
medicine tomorrow to alleviate his suffering.
I doubt if we’ll see any successful medication soon, but one never
knows. Please hold out hope to him.
“I’ll try … “ I said, the tears coming.
“But you must also guard yourself,” he said. “Don’t drive out with him any more, I beg of
you. Don’t accompany him to any great
heights. It would be terrible if he
killed himself, so much worse if he took you with him..”
My face burned.
I felt more embarrassed than in danger.
Oh, I knew Jimmy had tried to drive off the bridge, but he didn’t. He would have thought of my safety and steered
back on t the road if I hadn’t grabbed the wheel first. He would never hurt me.
It was so difficult to see the truth, because the
truth was so unacceptable, so horrible.
That evening was a Friday night and the phone rang
while I was waiting for Jimmy to come to our house. The ringing sound was still strange to my
ear. It was only during the past few
years that Blanche had convinced Pa to replace the gas lighting with
electricity. Neither she nor I cared
about the light electricity would bring, we just wanted to have a radio like
the rest of the world. We finally got a telephone last year. It was 1931 for crying out loud and Pa wanted
to live like the Civil War was just beginning.
“Mary, I can’t make it tonight,” Jimmy said over the
phone. I was so disappointed.
“But we …” I started, then teared up and couldn’t
speak.
“These people are dangerous,” he said. “I can’t be seen outside tonight.”
“Jimmy, there’s no one –“.
“Mary, please,” he said. “You don’t realize … you don’t know all of
it.”
I sniffed and said, “OK, Jimmy. I love you.
I’m just so disappointed.”
I felt up my sleeve for my handkerchief, but I’d
lost it again.
“Jimmy, I’ll come up and we—“
“No,” he said. “my parents would not appreciate
company tonight.”
“You mean they wouldn’t appreciate me,” I said.
“Come down to the factory tomorrow morning,” he
said.
“The factory ... why?”
I’m clearing out some stuff. Nine o’clock. I’ll meet
you there. Gotta go!” He hung up.
I placed the receiver up on the telephone box on the
kitchen wall and returned to the kitchen table, sitting across from Blanche.
”Why does he have to go to the factory?” asked
Blanche when I told her. “They would have sent everything home to him.”
“I don’t know ….” I said
“Mary,” she said.
“Go ahead and meet him at the factory, but do not go anywhere with him.”
“Oh, Blanche ….”
“I mean it.
You don’t seem to realize that Jimmy Bean is getting crazier by the
day.”
